Monday, September 12, 2011

10 years later

I was obsessed with the news on September 11, 2001.

Little did I know that 10 years later I would be writing the news on September 11, 2011.

On that day in 2001, I was still deciding between marine biology and emergency pediatrics as potential careers. Katie Couric and Matt Lauer were just that funny pair on the Today show and the World Trade Center was still on my list of landmarks to visit whenever I made it back to the Big Apple.

It would be another six years before I set foot in NYC.


That's what ground zero looked like in December 2007. Nothing like the grand skyscrapers I remembered passing as a young child. Less like the rubble pile I remembered seeing on television for the latter half of 2001 and beyond.

An announcement over the loudspeaker during my second period math class asking teachers to turn off TV's and radio caught everyone off guard.. until one of the kids spoke up and said a small plane had hit the World Trade Center. I still couldn't shake the feeling something was wrong.

My friends and I made our regular stop at our old science teacher's classroom that morning, only to have him tell us to come in and shut the door. And that's when I watched the south tower of the World Trade Center collapse on live television.

There isn't much that will ever take my breath away in this lifetime as everything did in that single moment.

I was barely 13 years old. My mind took off in a million different directions immediately.. wondering if my mom was going to be okay in the medical center.. if my dad was going to be stuck on the Air Force base.. or even called back to the military just a few short years after getting out. It seems a little crazy now, but we'd never dealt with anything like this. I just didn't know.

Both of my parents were waiting in the parking lot to pick me up from school that day. I just remember running to them and bursting into tears, knowing I was so lucky to have both of my parents there.. while hundreds of kids just lost theirs.

I grew up in the military. I knew what it was like to watch my friends' parents leave for overseas assignments. I was also lucky enough to spend the earliest part of my childhood in a more peaceful time, so the fear wasn't really there. Then I heard the stories from friends on my last military base.. stories of the base shutting down, all of the kids in school off base being loaded on buses immediately and taken home.. not knowing what would happen next.

It really comes down to the fear of not knowing. And the anger that built within because someone had the guts to get on an airplane and help end thousands of lives.

I still remember listening to then-First Lady Laura Bush address the children in America.. and realizing then that things would be okay.

The scars of 9/11/01 are still there.. and I will probably never be able to watch footage from that day without breaking down. It will still feel like yesterday when I see it in a history book twenty years from now. It was a defining moment for several generations.. one that falls in the same league as Pearl Harbor and the Kennedy assassination.

The moment that serves as a black eye, but doesn't have to be a final blow. Thousands died, but our nation still prevailed.
So here I am 10 years later.. the world has changed, but that day is still fresh on my mind and my heart. I don't just watch the news - I write it, and I remember that there are thousands of men and women who fight to make sure I have the right to do so.. because freedom isn't free.

If a picture's worth a thousand words..

Then here's my Saturday.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Leave all your love and your lovin' behind, you can't carry it with you if you want to survive


Remember what life was like when you were in your early 20s? I'm not sure how old each of you reading actually are, so please don't take that question in a condescending or rude tone. I'm being completely serious.

Do you remember how you felt about life? Was it full of endless possibilities? Did you always feel confident? Or was there still a twinge of the awkwardness and self-doubt leftover from your teenage years? Because I've got to be honest. I still don't feel like I've got this "growing up" thing down.

Apparently these are supposed to be the best years of my life.

Which I find particularly funny, seeing as I feel like nothing in my life is concrete or settled. Maybe I'm supposed to take solace in the fact that I'm free to do as I like with pretty much nothing holding me back. I never know what tomorrow will bring.. if I'm making the right decisions.. or if I'm really living up to my full potential.

Everyone else seems to have this amazing confidence in me.. and I'm really just not sure where that came from. I'm still trying to find my place in this world.. as cheesy as that sounds. My friend Nicole says I always seem to land on my feet - and yet again, I have no idea how.

Sometimes I'm so type-A that it makes even me crazy. To be honest, I think I'm so concerned with making everyone else happy that I forget about myself.

So.. please help me out. I'm looking for solid advice on getting through your 20s.. because I'm seriously having a love/hate relationship with this whole growing up thing.. and I'm really not sure if I'm doing this right.