For the first time, I'm writing this on your actual birthday.. which is also Thanksgiving Day. Your last two birthdays have been really hard, but I'm feeling pretty hopeful on this one.
I have so much to be thankful for this year. I have my family - my brother is home safe from his deployment! - my health, my job, an amazing amount of people who seem to love me for the ridiculously strange person I am, and this really wonderful angel I know I've had looking out for me. (And given my clumsiness, I know you've been working overtime.. except for that time last week I bit it in the Target parking lot.. and I KNOW you laughed.)
There have been some struggles this year, but I can't help wondering if that's just part of being in your mid-twenties. It makes me a little angry, but mostly sad that I can't really share that with you. We should be laughing, eating turkey AND birthday cake, and roller skating - because that doesn't sound like a disaster waiting to happen.
People are brought into your life for a reason, right? I know you were brought into my life right when I needed you - someone who could remind me of the important things in life.. to laugh, love, and LIVE. It's that tremendous loss that I like to pretend I don't feel because it still hurts.. which is probably why I just burst into tears.
Some things have gotten easier to handle over what has almost become two and a half years. (How is that possible?) I don't cry every time I think about our adventures - in fact, I have listened to "Chelsea Dagger" more than ever this week - and I dance! (Shh.) I can talk about you without needing to break down - most of the time. I usually find myself just talking to you out loud in the car, which means half of Dallas probably thinks I am a crazy person. They might be right. :)
Two years ago, after everything that happened, I started the "Mustaches for Jessi" project to honor you. I tried to start it again this year, but things kind of got away from me. Cue the guilt trip - some best friend I am. I'll try again next year - promise.
While my plate has been full - and I'm sure you know the details - it's not that you haven't been on my heart or my mind. I recently got to meet our pal Tony and his family - it was a fantastic reminder of all of the wonderful moments and people you brought into my life, and for that I am forever thankful.
Enough rambling - I've got to get ready for work, because some things never change! :)
I love you, I miss you... you better be saving that spot for me at the big hockey rink in the sky. I'll bring the Crown... or we can shotgun beers.
Happy 27th birthday, Jess.
ily.
